Ok, so here I am finally blogging...finally making myself accountable. Choosing to do this and do it right, the only way I know how...the only way that has truly ever worked.
Let me introduce myself...I'm chubby. That pretty much sums it up. I don't like to say fat, that is a little too negative for me...stuck in the middle is more like it. I need to lose, not a huge amount, I already did that. Just enough to where I feel comfortable. Comfortable not only in my body, but in my mind as well. My ultimate "goal" has changed from where it would be ideal to be to where I feel like I could live with myself. The latter a little more realistic I think. So how do I feel? Claustrophobic in my own body pretty much sums it up! My clothes feel tight and when I sit it feels like it all bunches up under my boobs and it sucks! I feel my worst when I sit...that is when it hits me the most that in all my attempts, I'm not getting anywhere...that I'm not trying hard enough and I have no accountability...this is it...right here right now...this is where my accountability begins.
I don't really think I want to talk about numbers as far as what I want my goal to be or how much I have to lose, because that really doesn't describe how I currently feel and how I want to feel. Possibly the same as how many others feel at different weights than me.
I'll start by telling you that I started this journey I used to be VERY large!! I lost 127 pounds on my own...how you ask!? I'll get there in a minute. Since then, a lot of things have changed. I had a baby...gained! I had major lifestyle changes...gained! I got engaged...lost!!! I got married...gained!!! I experienced life...gained!! I tried EVERYTHING...my first mistake...I tried EVERYTHING!! I wanted so bad to get back to where I was when I lost before that I needed something that would work like and work QUICK!!! Never once truly doing it the way that has worked for me and worked for me so well.
I run 5k's...yes run! It seems odd to me, because I really hate running. But I LOVE the feeling after the run. Trust me when I say you DO NOT have to be a skinny mini or in awesome shape to run a 5k. You just have to be determined and focused on getting to the end to get that satisfying feeling. My last 5k, was my breaking point and I have been thinking about it ever since. It was the worst one I've done. I felt winded, tired, my mind took over and told me I couldn't do it and my mind won and I felt weak. I let my mind do the walking and walking was what I did instead of what I knew I needed to do which was to run. Run towards the feeling at the finish line that I once loved so much.
My final straw...I tried low carb. I did very well with it. I got pretty close to where I wanted to be in my wedding dress, I was 50% from my goal at the time. Enough to feel good in my wedding dress which to me was important. If you feel good about yourself, you show so much more confidence and it truly makes your days better. But going forward after the wedding, I let loose a little. I never wanted to eat another cucumber or cook any bacon, EVER again! I gained and gained quick...everything I had lost! Food tasted so good to me, like never before. I found myself eating in a way I have never eaten before. It doesn't take much to fill me up and I was to a point that I found myself eating until I was uncomfortable...because the food tasted so good! After a couple times of that, I knew that needed to stop!
Eating low carb isn't all bad, I did learn some good habits from it, we tried some great recipes. I found food combinations I never thought were good that are actually excellent. I still haven't plunged all in and made pasta or potatoes, I still don't eat bread, I've never been a bread eater and I certainly am not going to start now. But what I am going to do, is take what I learned from low carb and add it to what I already know works.
So what is it that really works!? It's actually a very simple concept, and that is what frustrates me so much that I haven't really put my mind to it the way I know how. It's watching what you eat, making the right choices, being accountable, writing everything you put in your mouth down, drinking enough water (that is a big one!) and portion control. Although besides those couple times mentioned before, I have never really had an issue with portion control.
How do I know this works? Because I did it once and I'm going to do it again. I accomplished my goal over 4 years ago, and I am not even close to where I started before. Where I went wrong is trying all the fad diets only to find that they will bite you in your growing behind as soon as you let go of the control. Once you lose the control, it's even harder to gain that control back.
If you have ever tried any of the fad diets like cleansing, low fat, low carbs etc...you will see that if you were to write everything you ate down that you would be within a losing calorie intake. But have some serious tough eating restraints. What I have found is when you make it that tough on yourself, you are opening the door to failure. You will give in. I used to tell myself that although some ice cream sounded amazing, I could either add those empty calories into my daily intake and losing the nutrition I needed for that day, or I could skip the ice cream because I could have it another time in the future. You don't have to say goodbye to some of your favorite things permanently ( you will never be successful if you do) you just need to think that you can have them in the near future. That a treat once in awhile is fine and someday soon you and your favorite ice cream can meet again. Not to mention it make the ice cream taste so much better when you know you worked so hard for it and are truly getting somewhere. The only diet that I have found that works the same way is counting points. Which in turn is counting calories and making the right food choices.
Some other things I like to do is make several small goals for myself, such as...I buy NOTHING for myself until I meet my goal. Maybe it's a 10 lb goal or a half way mark. What works for some to keep control, might not work for others. Finding what works for you is what truly is going to work. I have also found the buddy system works for me...having someone to talk to that is going through the same thing, or finding a place like this blog where you can find that there are others that feel the same way as you regardless if you have the same amount to lose or not. It's not always about the number on the scale that works, it's connecting with someone who feels the same way as you whether you have 5 ponds or 100 pounds to lose.
So this blog is where my accountability starts, where I want to talk about how I'm doing or share my recipes I have tried. Where I can hopefully reach out to others that like myself search the Internet for questions about what really works or read stories that relate with how I am feeling.
This is my place to be accountable and maybe one day I won't have to be tired of it all anymore.
